


The Enemy

by essekgaylyss



Series: Shadowgast Playlist [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb is not technically in this but it sure is gay, Essek has a friend who cares, Essek has some things to explain, Essek is in love, Loosely Canon Compliant, M/M, pre episode 90, war still sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22240651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/essekgaylyss/pseuds/essekgaylyss
Summary: The Mighty Nein have been gone for weeks and Essek has to face the repercussions.In other words: Essek has a very bad day and is very gay for a certain wizard.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Series: Shadowgast Playlist [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108238
Comments: 8
Kudos: 97





	The Enemy

**Author's Note:**

> I want to dedicate this to the lovely people in the Essek Discord Server who have inspired me to write last night when I should have been sleeping.  
> Also, the song is The Enemy by Andrew Belle. One of these days I'm gonna do a fluffy one I promise!

_Don’t try to follow me_

_I would hold you down if I could_

_Make you the enemy_

_I would let you down._

Essek placed his hand against the wide door in front of him, his hand shaking as he stared at the dark wood. He had been buried deep in a pile of documents when the Bright Queen had called him into a private audience, an emergency of some sort. This war had cost Essek his last nerve and it seemed to continue to be the cause of many sleepless nights. Whatever the issue was, he did not want to handle it.

The doors opened to a filled room, countless eyes meeting him in an instant. He searched the surrounding faces for answers, only to find smug grins and avoided eye contact in return. His shoulders straightened as he caught the eyes of his Queen. The war had taken its toll on her as well, although that would be less obvious to someone who didn’t know her. But Essek knew her, knew her well enough to know that she was on edge. His pace quickened.

“My Shadowhand,” her voice echoed through the halls before he even arrived at the front, his knees touching the floor for a short moment as he bowed. As he rose, he gazed over to the Skysybil, her gaze as uninformative as anyone else’s. “For many years, you have been at my side as one of my most trusted advisors. You have led our country through this war with an intellect that most of my subject miss to recognise.” There was a soft murmur echoing through the halls as Essek repressed a smug grin.

“And yet you have failed me.” The room suddenly stilled, all eyes trained on the man standing several steps in front of the throne. Essek composed himself, not showing the rising beat of his heart against his chest. He was no stranger to the aggravated moods of his Queen, especially not in times like these.

“I’m afraid I do not understand. I have done my best to-“ – “I have not given you permission to speak, Thelyss.” Essek stepped back with a nod, holding his tongue.

“You were entrusted with the task to keep an eye on our _guests_ , the Mighty Nein, as they call themselves. There was an understanding that even though they have brought us back our most prized possession, they would have to be put under surveillance at all times. Did we not agree on this?”

Essek thought back to the last time he had seen them, a hasted conversation, a quick goodbye, a request for them to keep in touch. They had not. “Yes, my Queen.”

“Yet I get the information that these _Heroes of the Dynasty_ have disappeared for weeks only to reappear in the capital of our enemy country, dealing with important contributors to the war in the Empire.” The whispers started up again, this time louder, more aggressive. They were all out for his position, and they knew well enough that one wrong step could bring you down fast in times like these, and so did Essek.

“There must be an explanation for their absence. I have gathered more intel on this Angel of Irons cult on their behalf and I am sure they are merely pursuing a lead in Rexxentrum.” He lifted his head only slightly, to study the Queen’s face. There was no remorse or contemplation to be seen in her features, only a cold stare directed at only him.

“Tell me, Shadowhand. Are the rumours to be believed? You seem to have taken quite the liking to these Empire spies.” Next to the Queen, the Skysybil stiffened a short chuckle. Essek had never taken a liking to her, just as much as she had never fully approved of him as Shadowhand. _Much too young,_ had her words been all those years ago, but he had proven himself, or he thought he had at least.

“I have done what was asked of me. Get close to them, gather intel, keep them from betraying our country,” he explained, careful not to reveal how much he, in fact, had grown close to the Mighty Nein. A weakness he was not willing to reveal to a court of people who were out to get him at any given time. A presentation of his weakness would be as much as openly stating that he would resign his position.

“Is it not true then, that you have taught a human enemy our sacred magic?”

Essek stilled, his shaking hands thankfully hidden under his robes, as he thought back to the countless lessons with Caleb. At first, it had been a mere measure to get them closer to him, make it easier to explain his constant presence, but they had quickly turned into more of an excuse just to see _him._ A foolish intention, putting emotions above his duties had always been a problem of his, but never as much as with Caleb Widogast.

“When I took you under my wing, when I gave you your den, I made it clear where your priorities have to lie. It is not in the arms of the enemy.” With every word leaving her lips, he could feel the stares, more and more digging under his skin, revealing what he had tried to hide so hard for so long.

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of the possibility of their betrayal. Their loyalties had never fully been to the Dynasty, but he had thought or _hoped_ for their loyalty to him, as foolish as it sounded.

He lifted his head, just in time to see the Bright Queen’s gaze wandering through the halls, addressing each individual with her eyes. “I have called for an attack on Rexxentrum. Close sources have revealed the location of another beacon in the close vicinity of the Empire’s capital.”

“Your Majesty, an attack on the capital will not end the war. It will only fuel the anger of the Empire towards us. We have to focus on what is important. If we just give them a few more days, I am sure-“ The Queen raised her hand, immediately silencing Essek. He had stepped too far once again, he wasn’t sure how much more he could do before having to face the repercussions.

“My mind is made up and it would do you good to accept that and to rethink your position in this court. Our soldiers are already in position under Rexxentrum. It is a question of mere seconds until they attack. Your _friends_ will have to fend for themselves this time.”

Biting back his tongue, Essek nodded, taking another glance around the room. All eyes were trained on him once again, some looked at him with pity, some with disgust, all of them cowards. He bowed one last time, then turned back, leaving the throne room with his head held high, trying to hold on to the last bit of his dignity.

As he stepped outside, the fresh air hitting his face, he sighed in relief. The tension in his shoulders, while not completely gone, having eased. He stood there, in front of the Lucid Bastion for what felt like hours, contemplating his next step, but the truth was, he couldn’t get his thoughts from wandering to a certain wizard. If it was true if they had collaborated with the Empire. What a fool he had been.

“Thelyss!” A voice called from behind and he turned, in time to see Corynna step outside, a scowl on her face. She had been at court as long as him, not as powerful in position but just as powerful in her magic.

“What do you want?” He asked, at the same time as she started to scold him: “You’re a fool! What has gotten into you? Have you not learned enough in our time here?”

“I don’t see why this would concern you. Unless, of course, you want me to step back from my position. We both know how readily you would offer yourself up to be the Bright Queen’s lap dog, don’t we?” Corynna stepped back, his words hitting her as intended, as he turned to go.

“You’re pathetic. Making this about politics, making me look like the coward when we both know that it’s you who is the weak one. You can insult me all you want but I know you,” She paused for a second, waiting for him to stop walking, and he did. “I care about you.”

Essek turned once again, his eyes searching her face, his lips pressing into a thin line.

“You’ve dug yourself a hole that you cannot get out of, not without my help.”  
“How would you be able to get me out of this mess?”

Corynna crossed her arms, her eyebrows raised, a look Essek has received countless of times before. It did not ease his mind.

“You’ve gotten a little too close to the Empire spies, they have betrayed us. Bring them in, it’s as simple as that. I have some spies in Rexxentrum, they can find them,” she explained, but the Shadowhand shook his head. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why? It’s not like-“ Essek looked away, as she searched his face, his eyes focused on the ground. “Oh. Oh, no. You’re in love with the wizard? I had known about your teachings but-“

“I am not in love,” he lied. “I just- I don’t believe they have betrayed us. I have spent enough time with them to know that they keep their promises.” But the truth was, he did not know, he only hoped, kept hoping for them, _him,_ to return.

“You’re a fool, Essek, and you’re giving up your position for a possible romance that will get you nowhere. I understand emotions can get in the way, but we cannot allow ourselves to be weak, not around here.”

Essek bit his lips, his eyes meeting Corynna’s, as his heart sunk. If it would be that easy, if he could just _stop_ feeling, if he could just see them as the enemy, he would but he remembered them. The countless times they had invited him for tea, the messages, as annoying as they had been in the beginning, he started to miss, the curiosity in their eyes, the movement of his hands as he attempted the spell for the hundredth time, the slight glint in his eyes when it worked, his smile.

Corynna sighed, visibly frustrated with Essek, but her eyes grew soft as she looked at him. “Taskhand Adeen Tasathar. Look into him but be careful when you step around the Queen for now. I wouldn’t want to take your position.”


End file.
